Thursday

This was supposed to be my funniest post to date...

I know, I know....how could my blog possibly get any more humorous, right? Well, don't worry, I don't think I am pulling this one off at all. I am sure I'm just being too hard on myself. I'm still going to post it anyways because I don't have anything else to post and I haven't posted anything fresh since Tuesday. And I get bored too easily. So I'd rather post something that is just short of tragic than just sit here not writing or posting anything.

Anyway, this post is about my condition. My brain can't make new memories. It's not amnesia. It's just the everyday things I need a little help with. You have to have a system. Like 1.) carry a polaroid to remind yourself of the facts. Here's an example:

You see, a digital camera is not going to help you if you have short term memory loss and can't make new memories, because you can't write these little notes on the back of your digital picture. But I guess you could quickly post your image to Facebook along with a caption. But see then you would be in trouble because when you have this condition you have to use polariods with notes to remember who your friends are and who you can and can't trust. So if you Facebook the image with a caption then the friend is going to know that you already know you can't trust him or her so it won't really work. Unless you can trust all your friends. Then I guess you don't really need any polaroids except for things like in my example above, which you probably could post to Facebook with a caption without worrying too much about it. Actually, now that I think of it, Facebook was probably developed exactly for people with this condition so they can remember who their friends are and what they have eaten that day. (That is actually, both, what they, themselves, have eaten that day and what their friends have eaten that day.)

2.) Use semi-permanent tattoos to remember pertinent information. (just like they did in the movie. Come on, you know Guy Pierce isn't walking around today with all that useless information written all over his body. They weren't real tattoos!)

Okay, I omitted the word "much" in that statement but I was writing backwards across my chest, people. That picture is a reflection of myself in the mirror. That was supposed to read, "THIS WAS WRITTEN IN SHARPIE SO IT IS PRETTY MUCH THE SAME AS A REAL TATTOO".

And again with the ever elusive car keys:




The obvious flaw in the system includes not being able to proof read as I write. My right leg is supposed to read, "Your keys are hooked to your belt...", not "You keys are hooked to your belt...". Sorry. That must seem confusing.

Some of my other photographs were a little too revealing to post on my blog so I will just tell you what and where the rest of my tattoos are.

Stomach: "Wear a friggin' belt you idiot."

Arm: "You have gone back upstairs to retrieve your wallet or phone or keys or sunglasses or camera or hat or purse or shoes or pants or grocery list or else it is something not on this list. In the event that you have your wallet, phone, keys, sunglasses, camera, hat, purse, shoes, pants, and grocery list, grab a pen and a piece of paper. Now go back down stairs and head out the door. You will then remember what it was you had gone back upstairs for so write it down this time, idiot."

Feet: Buy Sharpies






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