I'm guessing if you are a blogger, you probably fall into one of three categories: a) not very cool, b) cool, but could be cooler, c) so cool that when you walk in a room everyone begins to shiver and wonders what just happened and then they look over and see you have entered the room and they all think, "Oh, it's just an incredibly cool person in the immediate vicinity whose very presence is altering the ambient temperature of the room."
If you fall into category C, (you people know who you are), no need for you to read the rest of this post. However, if you wavier somewhere between categories A and B, this new series on "How to be Cool...(like me)", may be just what you need to develop the skills to be cool, like me, and the rest of us cool people. So by all means, keep reading.
Like anything worth doing, being cool takes commitment, learning new skills, and practice. Admittedly, some people are born with a natural gift to just "be cool", but for most of us, it takes a strict regimen of training, rap music, and refinement. There is a fine line between being cool and just being a big jerk. (Although, sometimes being a big jerk and simply accepting it is the essence of cool, as evidenced by these other bloggers.)
So stop procrastinating and let me help you navigate the road to "coolness". We've all heard the saying, "coolness is next to godliness" at least a dozen times. Why wait any longer? Tune in to this weekly (maybe) primer and let me guide you through the paces while you hone your coolness skills. And if you are not cooler by the end of the series, there is a guaranteed full refund.
Congratulations! By reading this post and deciding to become a cooler person, you have just completed step 1 in the yet to be determined number of steps primer of the very, very new "How to be Cool...(like me)" series. See how easy that was! Now go congratulate yourself. Find the closest mirror and look at the marginally cooler you. Can you see it? Raise your eyebrows, lower your chin, squint a little bit. Cooler, right? Yeah, baby, you know it!
The Brute Force Method
For my next installment of my "How to Be Cool...(like me)" series, I will illustrate the Brute Force Coolness technique that I rely on heavily. First familiarize yourself with artist: LMFAO, song: "I'm Sexy and I Know It". (whatever...I've already publicly stated that I have the emotional integrity of a juvenile, so get over it.)
Now, whenever you are obsessively wallowing in self-pity, facing down public rejection and humiliation, finding yourself completely misunderstood and alone in the universe and blogosphere, repeat: "I'm cool and I know it", ad infinitum. I know. It doesn't seem like you will get anywhere with this mantra at first. You have to be a little patient. Let the sun rise and set a couple of times on the "I'm cool and I know it" mantra playing inside your head. Take a walk, go to the gym, hug your friend, make cheese, whatever it is you do when you are not on Facebook, or tweeting, or texting; but keep practicing the mantra. It takes a lot of practice unless you are naturally inclined to being cool and knowing it.
Sometimes you are not going to get the recognition you are looking for, you are not going to be included in "that" group, you are not going "connect", and that's okay...(seriously, it really does happen to everyone, or at least it has happened to someone). Your brute force go to technique is: "I'm cool and I know it."
Now I, for one, am going to go out and buy some leopard print pants at Target today. (Yes they do have them, I saw them yesterday.) Who's with me?!